Zen Buddhist Sex Maniac

This is an ever expanding page about B.J. Mendelson’s fictional alter ego, Eliot Parker. It will be updated at random and when B.J. feels like it.


Our hero was conceived during an amorous, alcohol fueled encounter between his parents following a Joan Rivers performance in August of 1982. The Concord Resort Hotel, where this crime was committed, would be demolished years later. Although, if you asked anyone that worked at the Concord in the Summer of 1982, they would tell you the destruction left behind from Eliot’s parents was the night the resort truly died.

Eliot was actually born Ziggy Eliot Parker in Oyster Bay, New York, on April 25th, 1983. Isn’t “Eliot” a Christian name, you might be asking? One that means a “devout belief in God”? Why yes. It is. Eliot’s Mom, Zelda — correctly as it turns out — was afraid of the Nazis coming back some day. So she made sure each of her children had non-Jewish first names.

(The name of “Ziggy” was dropped six days after Eliot was born due to a copyright dispute involving RCA Records and David Bowie.)

Of course, the last name of Cohen didn’t do much to help avoid detection either, so Eliot later had his last name changed. Much in the same way the man he was named for, Mack Lifshitz changed his last name to Leeds following World War 2. Mack was tired of being told to “life up the shit” during the war, and honestly, who can blame him?

After being born, or “bornt” as he would later call it after mishearing a monstrous unborn child say “born” in a horror movie trailer, Eliot found himself on Long Island. A place filled with actual monstrous children and people, many of whom lived on Moore Avenue along with the Parker family.

More to come …